I had a series of posts on empathy, kindness using science fiction to explore those human topics then thought what for? I don't want to discuss this. I don't want to be in the position where people just do not comprehend it and I try to convince them.
The conversation came up elsewhere and made someone feel so diminished for asking that I intervened. And it worked. Someone whined on a wish fulfillment site that the season is not about gifts, making a few people feel humiliated for asking to have that one special time of year. I help where I can.
When I was a student, I went to a grocery store to pick up a few items. Outside was a man quietly waiting. Young idealist that I was I wanted to help. I didn't have much and asked what he wanted. "A hot chocolate and a Cola", he answered. I went in, got the hot chocolate and a sandwich, because Cola was not nutritious. I stepped out and gave it to him. He didn't thank me, but asked "where's my Cola?"
I was taken aback and left. Called a friend and complained about his ingratitude. My friend told me there is a saying: If you choose to give its between you and him, what he choses to do with it is between him and God. I learned from my mistake.
Later in life I volunteered whenever I had time. Packed food bank items (that's all for four people?) and I learned that the mistake I made was due to ignorance;
I had taken away the choice and dignity of another human being. In my own way I had judged and no human is in a position to. He liked cola, who am I or anyone to decide what he should like?
When I volunteered for toy drives I thought, none of these toys would have appealed to me as a kid. The extra hygiene products some charities include were basically dollar store quality. Someone commented that the last thing Ukranians want is another stuffed toy. Most people that help, donate, get their tax receipt and forget about it. Others do angel trees and for the last few years I've seen angel trees for seniors. What they want is heartbreaking.
How much a random act of kindness can mean? I was staying with my father during covid, had just returned from grocery shopping but unable to find his favorite cherry yoghurt. Brought it home and he was escalating, throwing the opened wrong flavor at me. I stormed out. Sat on a bench in a park on the way. Tears rolling down my face. (Too exhausted to care what people thought). A woman stopped, she connected, I told her what had happened. She shared that her father was staying with her because nursing homes weren't accepting new clients during covid, but at least her and her brother were taking turns. Then she told me that she had just been grocery shopping, did I want anything? "Unless it's cherry yoghurt, which I now have to hunt down, no thank you." "No, I meant you. You need a banana." I started to laugh. "Or an apple? It's organic." I took the banana. "Take a granola chocolate bar to strengthen you for the journey." I relented. I sat there thinking about how absurd and random life can be as I munched my banana and my granola bar. Found the yoghurt for my father in a different store and saved the day thanks to a kind stranger. I could afford my own banana but she helped me on an emotional level.
Back to giving. I don't want to overgeneralize, how much help or what kind of help a person receives depends on the area they live in. Rural with friendly neighbours vs cities. Small churches that do great work vs faith based charities that buy real estate with the donations. This is a global issue that will get worse and is happening everywhere. If you want to give ask people what they want or need don't judge them and consider that this will go on for a couple of years.
If you can, help the person directly, don't turn it into a big deal. Keep in mind that they have their dignity.
No discussion about politicians please.
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