Hope and Mentorship

 

Theres a lot of hopelessness in academia at the moment for many varied reasons. In fact, one interesting thread I came across quickly devolved into what's the point. It became so negative that I simply stopped scrolling. Talking about how bad everything is might make one feel less alone for a moment, but it does nothing to improve the situation.

It reminded me of a personal experience that to this day gives me strength.

I was in undergrad at university. Had filled my mandatory course load and since I wanted a well rounded experience, I chose to take an environmental biology course. It was an upper year course, but my marks and academic status allowed me to do that. There were several books, the main one was "Our Common Future World Commission On Environment and Development". I did what I always do; buy the book and preread. The book was dense and I lacked the economic terminology to really understand it.

The prof was ponytailed, looked like he had just stepped off the farm and was very outdoorsy. I expected a laid back personality. Within two lectures he told us young impressionable minds that we had no future. It was because everyone had two DVD players and if we didn't stop this consumerism we were doomed. Bad example, how about taking the time to explain that we need products that last?

The lab work was a field trip to set up grids to measure predator/prey numbers. My grid showed no activity. Therefore, any life form had already been driven to extinction. EVEN THE SQUIRRELS. Then we had to present a research project that felt like a high school science fair. Followed by being voluntold by the TA to help pith mice. (Feel free to look it up). Using students as an unpaid labor force is one thing, doing that? Not happening. Feeding lab animals, letting them run mazes with treat rewards, I was willing to do, but not that. Additionally, I did not care how many bunnies pooped in a field. I was done.

After every lecture I walked home, looking around this gorgeous campus watching birds and adorable chipmunks chatter about their day. They were all going to perish. The world was going to end, build some spaceships the apocalypse was coming. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was utterly depressed after every lecture. Animal preservation was futile. Global warming and overpopulation was coming. There were no solutions.

I made an appointment to see the Prof. Thought it was a good sign that his two labradors were in his office. Prof. Ponytail and I chatted. He was anti-corporate, anti-establishment and cranky. He told me that he's tough and very few students get an A. I nodded politely. My scholarship and future career path depended on straight As. and a full course load, so I couldn't drop it.

I was miserable. Other things weren't going well either that year. I called my father, explained. He listened, the gist of his advice: I don't know. This sounds like university politics. Talk to other students and profs. Be diplomatic and don't mention that he's a bitter jerk. Trust your gut. There is ALWAYS a solution. You'll find it.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, dad. I didn't mention that I was ready to quit. At least ten more years of this. Of weekends spent hitting the books and not having much fun.

If this was fiction I'd insert some deus ex machina device, some great encounter with a sensei who showed me the path. Instead I moped, and went to see a University counsellor. I explained the situation. What's your GPA, he asked. I told him; close to a 4.0. Whoa, we usually see students that are failing, I have never had those kind of marks. 

This is not about you or what you can't do. And for anything financial there's always student assistance. Thanks genius, I'm trying to stay debt free. Why don't you drop the Varsity team? Because I enjoy it.

I said nothing. Well that was utterly useless, I thought. A clueless councillor who tells students to give up.

I rolled up my sleeves, went through courses that would fit my program and time slot and interviewed the professors. I mentioned that I would like to audit the course because it was months into the academic year and I didn't know if I could catch up. (I was a little screwed).

One prof told me to register. He was going to help me catch up. He was funny and encouraging despite the topic. So I did, after getting special permission for an additional course. Then went back and dumped the one I had started to dread. In quiet retaliation I tried to sell Our Common Future (no one wanted it, the irony doesn't escape me.)

I had closed the door on despair and opened the door to hope. Prof. Fantastic turned out to be thought provoking, entertaining and hilarious. His classes were always well attended. He became a mentor and was one of those rare gems of educators who encouraged and helped.

The year was tough and bad, I occasionally still get bad dreams when something reminds me about it, but my marks had increased compared to the previous year. Had I stayed with Prof. Ponytail, he would have been the last straw.

I learned a lot that year

1. Bad advice is freely given. Good advice is hard to find.

2. People don't care. Sometimes you really are on your own. It's alright. Nothing lasts forever; neither good times nor bad times.

3. If someone doesn't feel right. Get them out of your life. There are always three types of people: those that pull you up, those who drag you down and those who are indifferent.

4. Neeeeeever, Eeeeever lose hope. Sometimes quitting can lead to better things. Be flexible in your envisioned path.

5. Life moves on with or without you, better if it's with you.

6. My father wasn't particularly helpful that year, but in hindsight and as an adult I realize that he believed in me and trusted my choices. He believed that I would manage and gave me the confidence to do so.

7. Mentors are lifesavers.

8. I made it through that year.

9. Listen to my own advice.