I could not find the image that was in my old sociology book; a line drawing where the little boy yells at a dog in what is called anger transference so this 1954 one will have to do.
I've never understood it and later in life I did not experience it. The person you're with should be someone that isn't getting yelled at because socks aren't mended, but someone who listens to your bad day, comforts, gives solutions or gives you space.
November is End Vaw month. And the internet which is slowly turning into Jenga is silent. Nothing on blogs, which is disappointing. The statistics are bad and getting worse and I wonder about the lack of engagement because the laws are getting better. (I'm only talking about the western world).
I took bystander intervention, a course or workshop that anyone can take (albeit not as fun as an art or pottery class). A couple of years ago I intervened. I was walking down the street heard a women scream, then obvious sounds of harm. An older woman (feisty Italian as it turned out) was walking toward me. She figured out which apartment it was while I called the cops. Long story short, the young male was brought out, we also waited to be interviewed and overheard him whine about his stress. He admitted it but there was no remorse. The typical BS sobstory. Coward.
I have chosen to ignore a certain small but powerful group. There is no masculinity of any kind in beating someone smaller than you or insulting someone less powerful than you. Its actually quite small. There's a lot more masculinity in helping. Much more heroic, so why discuss people that I don't associate with? Besides the fact that they are the true "other" with behavior that is too disturbing to discuss.
It led me to thinking about the YA fantasy Twilight, which I skip read just to know what the hype was about and the problem I've always had with vampire romance. Why on earth would a 200 year old (male) being find a teeny even remotely attractive or interesting? What is there to talk about. It was written by a woman, if she can make vampire skin sparkle in the sun, I'm sure she could have imagined something more progressive. Literature does influence a child's mind.
But this is not about fiction, but reality and ending vaw in all its forms. One tiny step at a time.
To complete the circle of life, thought this was hilarious
Why is male violence against women at all? There's some deep seated stuff in males. Fear? Awe? Both? The need to dominate to feel powerful? When women are murdered they are 7 times more likely to be murdered by a husband/boyfriend/ex.
ReplyDeleteI read recently that some MAGAt republican wants to make it ok to brutalize your wife again, get rid of the law against spousal abuse.
Codex: I no longer ask why. It's a subgroup of males. I know the stats. There are also cultures that are worse. Yeah I saw that proposal as well, the UN is counteracting it. Speaking up against it is the only way.
DeleteYes! More focus on vam vs the the internet rage-machine. Thoughts on Scott Galloway? I'm interested in his book, Notes on Being a Man. I have three books in my queue
ReplyDeleteOops, pressed reply before I was finished...so it may take me a while to read his work.
DeleteCodex: I've heard the name, beyond that I don't know much about him. But Berkeley rose in respect in the last couple of decades. Alma mater matters.
DeleteCodex: The name sounded familiar. Saw him on some show a year ago and agreed with his view on what young people are facing economically. When I just watched a couple of interviews, pbs, not my cup of tea. He's a little chauvinistic and a topless prof is inappropriate imo. What he says women want out of a partnership is outdated.
Delete(To me he seems a bit of a mess but I haven't read him)
QA course similar to bystander intervention was part of our compulsory workplace training (every three years if I remember correctly) for every level, also conflict resolution and so on.
ReplyDelete"There is no masculinity of any kind in beating someone smaller than you" in my books would stop just after "beating someone", never mind smaller or gender or animal or whatever the occasion.
Codex: Obviously. But in the mindset of certain men it's a sign of strength. Vaw is increasing. No one cares.
Delete