Many years ago a friend of mine, who is spiritual and into self help, suggested a gratitude list. Every morning list five things that one was grateful for, no matter how small. For about a week I tried it then reduced it to several times a week.
To my surprise it had the opposite effect; the list demotivated me and I realized that it was fear based. How many times can one write down how grateful one is for family and a good cup of coffee. After some digging I discovered that it was religion based. For the same reason I do not make resolution lists on New Years, I write down goals or things I'd like to do that year, everything else is asking for disappointment and self punishment.
To each their own.
A neat idea that I found in an art journal book, was to make a good things that happened or were accomplished journal. One of the examples that the female author gave was making 365 meals for her family that year. I never thought of meals that way, (spouse and i take turns), but it is an non-appreciated accomplishment. I ended up with a good things journal. I prep the pages and in chronological order, I write down the pleasant moments that happened, the situations I resolved to my satisfaction and so on. Flipping through it is satisfying. The human brain has a tendency to remember stressful situations, this helps me remember the good random conversations in a store, finding something that I like, even how much the well wishes from strangers on my post meant to me when I received more bad news a week ago.
It adds up and it also separates the good from the bad. Do I remember the jerk in an oversized SUV who drove over the separator to take the parking spot after I'd waited for half an hour? Yes. Would I have remembered the moment after bad medical news, at a coffee place where I ordered my coffee, when he noticed my expression and said: "On the house, sit outside in the sun and take a moment." had I not made a journal page out of it? Probably not.
Let's raise a glass of whatever you enjoy, thank you for rewarding me with comments and figure out how to make this a good year.
HAPPY GOOD YEAR
2026
Interesting observation about how our brains remember the negative but not always the positive. I guess that's our innate evolutionary skills protecting us from "bad" stuff. I don't really do resolutions either.
ReplyDeleteCodex: Yes. It's neuroscience, we're hard wired to do that, so the world and our memories become skewed.
DeleteOne day at a time and with best intentions, no expectations but also no excuses. Worked every year so far. Take it easy and enjoy the coffee.
ReplyDeleteCodex: Easier said than done, but yes that's the goal.
DeleteCodex: P.S.im going to go bonkers if this lasts more than a few months.
DeleteI like the good things/accomplishments journal. I don't do resolutions either, only sometimes. One year I resolved to spend my change. That one lasted for years. I like Sabine's go to. Having expectations generally leads to disappointment so I try to just be open to what the day brings. Be here now.
ReplyDeleteCodex: My life needs to be more structured as much as I admire the be here now.
DeleteThe good things journal worked for me because I'm goal oriented. The mundane does not give me a reward system. This helped me put things in perspective and keep me positive. I highly recommend it.
I like the good things journaling. I think I kind of do a version of that but with photos. I like to take pictures of interesting/joyful/peaceful places or things. Not easy to record people interactions like you with the astute barista, but looking back at pictures reminds me of good things. For example the picture might just be of a bird. But I will remember it took me 20 minutes to get that decent shot and I was happy doing that. I walk a lot on nearby trails and looking back at pictures brings me a little bit of the same peace I find when I’m on the trail or whatever experience the picture might relate to.
ReplyDeleteI’m not much for resolutions either. I do plan and I do try to work on things that need improvement but not in the form of a yearly resolution. That just causes me stress. I do better with small incremental goals/changes.
I sure hope you can see tiny incremental improvements as you navigate the long term stuff.
Marly
Codex: What medium one uses is irrelevant. I didn't always have a camera with me and I wanted to get back to art and combine it with writing. Photos do the same but as time passes we forget. I wish I'd started sooner, but the idea didn't occur to me until I read about it.
DeleteTo use your example: I'd glue that photo into the good things journal and describe how it felt to finally get the shot. When you flip through it years later you can just look at the photo or read what you wrote about it.
I might do a post on it since everyone seems to like the idea.
Codex: Thank you Marly. I think what makes it harder for me is that I finally crawled out of the abyss of caregiving, then this.
ReplyDeleteYes, let's figure this out. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDelete